Chisme (gossip)

I’ve always been the first to ridicule the unrealistic qualities of telenovelas. But recently, life has taken a turn towards the dramatic and it seems as if maybe they really aren’t that ridiculous after all.

It all started last week when early one morning my host-mom announced that my sister was leaving for Lima. Taken by surprise, I assumed she meant at a later date. Then my sister emerges with her luggage and less than thirty minutes later she was gone. I asked questions and got nothing but vague responses. For all I knew she would be coming back in a few days. Nope. Thanks to a benevolent neighbor I found out she was having an affair with a 30 year old man who has an 8 year old kid. Mind you, my host-sister is only 17 and looks younger. The wife (not exactly clueless) showed up at my sister’s high school last week and threw food in her face. Thus, my host-mother felt it necessary to send my sister off to Lima for a period of chastity. Naively, I thought that she was perhaps not even aware that an opposite sex existed.

A day or two later I noted that one of my twenty year old host-cousins was also missing. I overheard something about her moving to Lima so I bluntly stopped and asked her Mom, “Where’s Nancy? Someone told me she’s in Lima. I had no idea she was leaving.” Apparently her mom didn’t know either, because she promptly started crying and told me that her daughter left with her boyfriend on the same day as my host-sister without saying a word. A week later and she still hasn’t called. She just left. Now the boy is back in town and he still hasn’t come to talk to the girl’s parents. Basically scandalous.

Most recently I was doing household surveys when the woman I was questioning abruptly chose to divulge to me that her husband was having an affair with one of the women in town who has been the nicest to me. According to her, this woman is also her eldest daughter’s best friend and her husband fathered her two year old child. I had NO idea. She has two other kids by different fathers also.

Maybe the funniest part of all of this is how people pretend to be oblivious to the gossip—that is until they know that you also know. For example, I have mentioned to several people that my sister recently left for Lima. At first, they feign complete shock that she left. However, as soon as I mention that I think there was some kind of problem they exchange knowing glances. Before too long, with next to no provocation, they are regurgitating every last detail of the affair as if they themselves had witnessed it.

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In the process of asking questions for my survey, one woman wrapped her baby grandchild in a large sheet and hung it from the rafters. The baby remained lost in the depths of the blanket so that only its rough outline could be seen. It looked kind of like how the stork carries babies. The woman proceeded to forcefully swing the baby so that it was, in my opinion, flying recklessly around the room. It came close to hitting random objects numerous times until finally it did smack into the table. The women in the room were relatively nonplussed, while I was like “Good God, the kid just hit the table!!” Meanwhile, I was trying to ask questions without seeming completely dismayed by the extreme swinging of the baby.

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There is this man in my town who I may have mentioned before who always treats me with the utmost respect. In any one conversation he includes the word efectivamente (effectively) at least 20 times, including in many situations that are completely unnecessary. He recently has been assisting workshops in order to start a small business. I keep running into him and he always tells me very seriously about his plan of action. Unfortunately, he also has the habit of carrying around his work plan in a pink Barbie book bag which is the perfect size for a small child. He wears the book bag over both shoulders. I swear I try to keep a straight face but it’s not easy.