Denial

Quite possibly I’ve been in a state of delusion and denial for some time now. By this I mean to say that, after being here for nearly two years, I’ve become just a bit too accommodating and a bit too lackadaisical.

Precisely, I remember thinking just how fantastic it was that my socks had held up so well for so long. A week later, upon not-so-close inspection I realized that they were see-through and causing blisters. Again, without thinking, I bought a sewing kit off the street to patch my underwear even though I have plenty of money to buy new underwear. The one pair of jeans I brought with me has two holes in the crotch and I wear them anyway, as if it were perfectly appropriate. (In one of my many moments of illogical reasoning I decided to bring with me a four-year old pair of jeans that was already falling apart.) My mattress was so hard and causing me enough hip pain that I finally, after 1.5 years, inflated my sleeping pad and situated it on top of the mattress. Admittedly, this is because I was cheap and opted for the $35 mattress. The mice in my room have become more like pets than pests. My friends Ryan and Leslie sent me tea from the U.S. and I think I experienced feelings which must have been on par with those of Europeans receiving shipments of spices from India during colonial times. Furthermore, I became excessively allergic to my low-quality pillow, so allergic that I was starting to get an ear infection and a cold. The pillow was that dirty. So, I decided to wash it which apparently isn’t possible. It turned into an even lower-quality disaster of lumpiness. Finally, I broke down and bought a new one. The thing is, had I not still been allergic to the pillow, I would have continued to use it, lumpiness and all.