Peruvianisms: Accurate, Albeit, Sweeping Generalizations about Things Peruvians Do and Believe

1) In Peru, all modes of transport are considered to be safe and valid. Mind you, modes of transport include the trunk, the aisle, and the roof. While running the 10K in Pacasmayo, a man waved at me from the trunk of a passing car. The trunk was completely open, blocking the driver’s rear-view. The passenger, by all appearances, was elated to be riding in the trunk. Yet again, on a bus from Huaraz to Chavin, I was slightly dismayed by Peruvian transport. Mid-way through the 3 hour ride through the mountains, the bus attendant made all of the people in the aisle get off the bus and ride below in the luggage storage compartments. Because this concept was altogether too ridiculous to comprehend, I assumed that the passengers had actually just gotten off the bus. However, after passing the “highway patrol” checkpoints, they were released from the underneath compartments over an hour later. Yet, the most absurd passenger placement I’ve ever witnessed did not actually involve humans but donkeys. Although I saw it with my own eyes, I still remain skeptical about the feasibility of getting two live, adult donkeys onto the top of a bus.

2) Peruvians have a penchant for writing intimidating, long run-on sentences. Case in point, the following sentence is an excerpt from a letter written by a Peruvian which I was asked to translate into the English.

“I could continue giving more reasons: the aspect of social work the race includes, the involvement with the population, the diversity of categories, etc., but it would be lengthy to tell, I just want to finish by saying that, in Perú, the only way that races of such quality will continue to be organized is if we participate in them, for this reason, I invite you to participate in the 2010 marathon and, as of now, put it in your athletic calendar, for my part, I want to offer all of my support to the organizers and to thank them because, even though many of them are foreigners, they give a token of affection to Perú that we, as Peruvians, should imitate ourselves.“

3) Wind kills. That’s all there is to it. On the same bus to Chavin, I ever-so-slightly opened the window to snap a photo and was instantaneously accosted by a fellow passenger whose 6th sense alerted her that her life was being threatened by air she could not yet feel. Maybe I’ve been here too long or I’m suffering some kind of delayed culture shock, but I’ve started to get confrontational and I wasn’t at all happy that I was being yelled at because of some mis-informed belief. Thus, there ensued a slight altercation. I yelled back that the air would not, indeed, send her to an early grave. By this time I had shut the window but everyone on the bus was staring at me contemptuously. She yelled back that maybe the wind wouldn’t kill me but that it would certainly hurt the mountain folk. Then her baby coughed and I could hear her passive-aggressive muttering for a good 15 minutes about how her baby would now fall ill as a direct consequence of the now-closed open window.

4) Honking is a fine art. Since no apparent traffic rules exist, honking has evolved into an elaborate communication system of sorts. That said, drivers are pretty much always honking and possess almost no restraint when it comes to the horn. Really slick drivers fork over the extra dough to install special horns that sound like a cat-call whistle. Let me tell you, nothing impresses me more than being whistled at by a decrepit combi.

5) All food is tastier with hot dogs, raisins, or olives. Since all food is clearly more delectable with these additions, Peruvians slip them into everything. I spotted a hot dog croissant the other day at the grocery store which would have horrified anyone who had ever remotely heard of France. Hot dog pizza is another option. I’ve encountered raisins in cake, rice pudding, tamales, popsicles, rice and fish. Tamales often include both raisins and olives which makes for a really tantalizing taste combination.

6) In Peru, anytime and anyplace are an opportune moment and the perfect venue for selling your wares. Rush hour at a busy intersection in Lima? You’ll probably be able to buy anything from shoes to a miniature artist kit from wandering vendors. Inside of a movie theater during the most suspenseful scene of Harry Potter 6? An employee will probably pop out of the dark to ask you if you’d like some chocolate. (That actually happened to me and I’m still recovering.)

7) Peruvian families tend toward the larger size. Six to eight children is nothing too unusual. The other day I witnessed two young women being chastised by slightly older women for not having a sufficient number of children. One of the women already has three children all under age 7. Not that these women should actually preoccupy themselves with having children of their own, because I’m sure someone else would happily gift them a child. When I first got here, I always thought people were joking when they would say that they had either gifted one of their children or raised a child that had been gifted to them. In fact, gifting children is commonplace and most likely an economic necessity. They even joke about it in that slightly demented way my parents used to joke about amputating one of my limbs anytime I cried about a slight scrape.

8) Much political advertising is done in the form of banners painted on walls and houses. Peruvians seemingly think nothing of letting a political candidate paint his campaign slogan in huge letters across an entire side of their house. Recently I spotted a smattering of new signs for a party which appears to be called Cuchara or Spoon. I have a secret suspicion that my old host-mom must be backing this party since she was obviously so hell-bent on hoarding her spoons.

9) Invitar. To invite. In Peru, it is customary to always invite others to share your food and drink. If someone, even a stranger or a traveling salesman, happens by at mealtime, they will be served without asking. The most humble family will give the best of what they have to an unexpected guest. Even little kids invite each other to their most cherished sweets without hesitation. It is by far one of the most beautiful and unselfish practices in Peru.